Recently, one of my children lied.
Dad and Mom weren’t in the room at the time of the attack, but the five-year-old boy child accused the six-year-old girl child of hitting him. The girl child adamantly denied such an accusation and further went on to be offended by the charge. The argument drifted from the family room into the kitchen where Mom and Dad were. Both children were trying to out-loud each other in their portrayal of the incident to be sure their side of the story was heard by the parents first.
Someone is lying.
And I guess as parents, we need to get to the bottom of this because…well ignoring it sends a bad message to the perpetrator of this heinous crime. We look at each other and then resolve to bring this offense to the High Court of Parents, the honorable Mom presiding this case with Dad as the jury.
Both children choose to represent themselves in this case and they present their testimonies with great alacrity and confidence. How will we figure out who is not telling the truth in this situation? There are no witnesses. Both children are standing their ground on their statement with great aplomb.
SOMEONE is lying.
First, the “tried and true” method is to take the individual statements and ask for them again to look for inconsistencies, although this time they are surprisingly accurate with the details of the shenanigans. They are becoming more versed in remembering their stories as they get older and have somehow stumbled on the coveted truth that, no matter what, always stick to the story to the very end like a captain who goes down with his doomed ship.
Next, we start the intimidations process of taking away coveted TV time (mind you, the boy child is holding the remote in his hand at this point). Perhaps I saw a little wince in the boy child’s eye…I sensed this threat was hitting a little too close to home for him. Despite that moment of hesitancy, he decided that he was not going to budge. Both children hold on to their stories with such loyalty. It’s actually quite impressive and Dad and I try not to show that we are fascinated with their confidence.
But SOMEONE is LYING.
The crime is beginning to grow stale and we haven’t progressed in our quest to find the real culprit. I glance at Dad, who is now trying to hide a creeping smile with junk mail covering most of his face because he sees that I am failing miserably in my attempt to get anywhere on this case.
In all honesty, I am beginning to think I will have my first stalemate in the High Court of Parents. Maybe the boy child and girl child see this weakness because they too begin to grin at me…starting to see the humor in the situation. I can’t let this go unsolved.
SOMEONE. IS. LYING!
Now it’s the principle that drives me to solving this criminality. I’m not going to have this kind of tomfoolery running rampant in my town. And everyone is quietly giggling while I try my absolute hardest to keep my face looking stern and disappointed in my beautiful children who are neck deep in the dark underworld of fibbing.
Alright, here’s the final shot and if I don’t get anywhere I’m giving up on this as it’s already taken up far too much of my time. For some reason it occurs to me that they should speak to each other instead of to me. Once I get everyone focused on the case again and restore order to my courtroom, I speak to the boy child.
“Boy child, look at girl child and tell her what she did to you.”
Pay attention here, folks…magic is about to happen.
The boy child looks at the girl child and says, “Girl child, you hit me right here really hard!” and he points to his wounded shoulder area, remote control still in his hand, and offers the best pouty face he could muster.
The girl child says without thinking, “It wasn’t that hard and I only did it once!” and then looks at us all because she knows she ratted herself out. And she knows that we know. And we know that she knows that we know.
It was glorious!
We all screamed and hollered because justice prevailed in the High Court of Parents that day. So much time had passed from the time of the original sin and so much laughter was occurring that punishment was light because the judge presiding this case was tickled by the course of events.
Someone was lying. And Mom manipulated the witness into a confession. Victory! I mean, a good opportunity to teach our children a valuable lesson about respecting boundaries and keeping our hands to ourselves.
But mostly, Victory!